JK 4th post tonight

I think I want to write a book. Like a real one. And get it published. Liked dedicatedly.

I may start soon, but I do want you to read it only after I finish my first draft.

Watching that movie with you, it inspired me to try chasing what makes me happy.

I want to write, not for others, but for myself. 

I am soooooo sorrry

Wow, triple posting in a day. Social Suicide.

I am sorry I was vague about the article that I was reading. If you want to see what made me like this, here.

I am more likely to have anxiety, depression, somatization, and interpersonal sensitivity. 

So I will be anxious, extremely sad, in physical pain because I'm not mentally ok, and neverendingly fearful of your rejection. 

So maybe that is why I am freaking out a little more than I should. I hate rejection and I overanalyze social cues because I have been preprogrammed for such sad turnouts. 

I really don't want to lose you so I want to talk to reassure myself as well as make sure I am not doing anything that is harming you. 

Fuck that was a lot harder than expected

I tried calling, but it didn't work. Then you called, but you seemed so hyped about going to Dino's for D&D, I didn't want to bring anything up to down you.

I just want to make sure you're ok, and IDK how to do it without like face to face, hand on hand contact. PLZ angels wherever you are, send help. 

6.2

So this past weekend, I spent both days at M's house. It was wonderful. I loved it all.

But there's always a catch. I shouldn't feel this way, but it felt off around the .2 time. You were so much more on your phone, hella distracted, and I got a little worried. Like you don't usually check your phone while making out with me.

I think I tried to bury my concern by forcing some romantic interactions, namely .2 sex. And I am sorry, and I hope you don't read this before I get in touch with you so I can apologize in person. I've been calling/snapchatting, but alas, to no avail.

Wow, I sound like a stalkery girlfriend. I should calm down. I am so sorry for who I am. I just want to make sure you're ok, and I am sorry for smothering you. I don't know how else to do it. If you do have any input on this, please let me know. I need to know something. I think that is my fatal flaw, curiosity, and an overwhelming urge to get involved with too many things to handle.

But you are my main concern, and I am leaving aside class (which pales right now because it is manageable) to type about this to calm me down.

Why do I have to be the person to jump to conclusions? Why do I think the worst? Why do I think I was too pushy this weekend and I made you sad?

Because it is probably true. I am super sorry, but I do want to say this in person before I go home. I love you and I want to help, and even if you don't know how, just don't totally keep me out.

Also please stop me when I am too pushy, I don't realize that until retrospection, so I want to incur the least harm. I love you, and I'm sorry.