You know what's the worst part about that word? Believing it for yourself.
Actually, that isn't the worst. The worst would be branding it on yourself. *insert my name here* the Slut TM. And then proceeding to actually etch it on to yourself using a hot knife.
I looked at my wrist today as I was rethinking life. I'm not sure if I was considering suicide again, or just reminiscing about my cutting days, but I saw that burn mark remaining there and it scared me.
I was frightened so much of what I was capable of doing in my rash states, I just sat there in shock.
The darkened scarred skin looks all too real, but it has healed so it is not too noticeable. Only my memories plague most of my mind.
Smelling burning skin sucks but the sound is somewhat comforting, with the slight sizzle and pop. That is scary how much I like this. I should stop.
I feel like I am on a roller coaster of hating myself, and then going and loving someone else. and sometimes that ends up coinciding and I don't like the way that is.
I feel worse that I want to hurt myself because of the fact that it hurts the people around me. I don't want to hurt you, but sometimes it is like an addiction I can't help. But I promise you, I am trying my hardest to not hurt myself. I am trying my hardest to talk through it, rather than reaching for that knife that sounds oh so comforting right now.
I really don't want to hurt you or be followed around by such labels, because those honestly hurt as much as my scars and how my self-harm hurts others.
NOTE TO SELF. DON'T LABEL YOURSELF A SLUT. YOU ARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE, AND EVEN YOUR PSYCHOLOGiST HAS TOLD YOU TO NOT BELIEVE YOU ARE A SLUT BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T SHOWN CRAZY SIGNS. STOP IT, SELF. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!
Actually, that isn't the worst. The worst would be branding it on yourself. *insert my name here* the Slut TM. And then proceeding to actually etch it on to yourself using a hot knife.
I looked at my wrist today as I was rethinking life. I'm not sure if I was considering suicide again, or just reminiscing about my cutting days, but I saw that burn mark remaining there and it scared me.
I was frightened so much of what I was capable of doing in my rash states, I just sat there in shock.
The darkened scarred skin looks all too real, but it has healed so it is not too noticeable. Only my memories plague most of my mind.
Smelling burning skin sucks but the sound is somewhat comforting, with the slight sizzle and pop. That is scary how much I like this. I should stop.
I feel like I am on a roller coaster of hating myself, and then going and loving someone else. and sometimes that ends up coinciding and I don't like the way that is.
I feel worse that I want to hurt myself because of the fact that it hurts the people around me. I don't want to hurt you, but sometimes it is like an addiction I can't help. But I promise you, I am trying my hardest to not hurt myself. I am trying my hardest to talk through it, rather than reaching for that knife that sounds oh so comforting right now.
I really don't want to hurt you or be followed around by such labels, because those honestly hurt as much as my scars and how my self-harm hurts others.
NOTE TO SELF. DON'T LABEL YOURSELF A SLUT. YOU ARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE, AND EVEN YOUR PSYCHOLOGiST HAS TOLD YOU TO NOT BELIEVE YOU ARE A SLUT BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T SHOWN CRAZY SIGNS. STOP IT, SELF. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!
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